The Prologue of Never-Written Book

Something was bothering her for days.

She didn't actually know what it was. It was not the food. She knew that well, and her belly was not itching her. Not a single bit. Mom was giving her delicious portions every day, and she was feeling healthier and stronger every morning. It was not the air or water either. The forest and all three plains outside were... like usual. Beautiful and green, with lots of life emerging from the trees and rocks. Even the ocean was calm and perfect the other day when she foolishly followed her older brother and his two peers to the cliff. They mocked her all the way down the stream and even took all her snacks she had and found on the way.

No. What she started to experience just the other day after the trip to the cliffs was some sort of discomfort she never experienced before. Nobody could harm her in the forest. It was not that. Not even on the plains. She was always following her mother and brother during all their travels and never got into any trouble. It was something in mom's eyes ever since the northern plain got into flames after those fireballs fell from the sky. They were almost like thunder, only slower and different in the noise they made. And they came from a clear sky. It was nothing serious really and even looked beautiful when one ball hit the ground and the other exploded above the forest into thousands of chunks and fire showers at the same time.

Everything is calm now. They caused little damage, and all the fires were now gone, but still, ever since then, everything started to seem different. Fireworks from the skies didn't stop really, but there were no explosions like the other day. It looked like all the fireballs couldn't reach the ground and instead made red and orange patterns high above the forest. It was beautiful. And spooky at the same time. She started to feel it as well. She couldn't hear all those loud noises from birds and small animals for two days. Even the waterfall just next to their playground sounded quiet and eerie. And the most unusual thing that happened was her father. He returned last night. She saw him only twice last season, and all the timidity she felt the last couple of days, ever since the skyfire, with him around, started to grow into real fear.

The very next day they moved out. Just before dawn, she and her brother started following their parents. They never ran that fast. They never ran in the group at all before. Even others joined. The other species and relatives. Some she recognized from... well, mom's breakfast portions. But she wasn't hungry that morning at all and only tried to keep a fast pace with her family toward the hills. It seemed that their father was taking them to the high ground and all those peaks she dreamed to visit someday.

And then it started. She heard something so loud she thought there was no such thing in existence. And she knew the bolts and thunders well. The ground started to move. In all directions. The rocks and boulders started to fall from the peaks. And in that very moment she did something she thought she would never do. The fear was gone in an instant, and only pure curiosity emerged from her thick skin. She took three long jumps and climbed the sharp edge toward the only place on the cliff with clear views toward the ocean. She even used her tiny arms to balance her disproportionate body.

On the horizon, there was a stream of rocks coming from the sky. Just like the one that, the other day, exploded above the northern plain and lit a forest fire. Only bigger. Much bigger. They were hitting the ocean one after another and making the water glow. All of a sudden it stopped being beautiful and colorful. Only frightening and terrifying. And then she saw their father. Enormous rock. No. Gigantic boulder. No. The mountain. Yes. Just like the one they were climbing right now.

At the end of the trail.

When it hit the water, all the fire and all the glow, all the thunder and roar, everything she just saw and heard for the first time in her life faded out into one pure and ultimate silence. All the sentiment and fear accumulating last week disappeared instantly and merged into one single emotion.

Something new and pure. Something behind nature. Something raw.

The anger.

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Image credits:
Kokoro's Eye from "Playing with Dinosaurs" exhibition in Taipei
Tyrannosaurus family watch Asteroid by Gary Collins

Her Last Day

I loved her.

I still do. With everything I've got. Ever since that cloudy day four years ago when we met in the park. Ever since I realized she was the one I was looking for my whole life. Ever since she shared her heart and her entire life with me. Ever since I moved into her place a week after we accidentally jogged into each other.

And look at me now under this eerie rain... Standing on her grave. Alone and wet. I don't know what to do. She would be alive if it wasn't for me.

It was all my fault.

That day I was returning from my afternoon walk and saw Garry, the mailman, from across the street just leaving our building. I hurried back. When I entered our apartment, she already opened the envelope and a bottle of red wine. With the glass half empty, she saw me, gave me a tired smile, and pointed the letter on the floor.

"It's another rejection. Oh, Husk.. I am not sure I can handle them anymore". She made one of those heavy sighs she started with in recent months and looked into the glass. "Ever since I got fired from the Tribune, all my handwriting and all the scripts were rejected... all of them... by everyone." She looked exhausted and beyond sadness when she finally raised her head and stared at me. "You have beautiful eyes. You know that, don't you?"

It was not the first time she was acting like this. I always tried to comfort her. To give her hope. But today, I didn't do much. I looked at her gently and then the glass. She gave me a little surrender smile, wiped the tears, and went to the kitchen. With the bottle in one hand and the glass in another. "I need to prepare something. Bruce is coming to dinner." She turned and gave me that threatening look when I was about to react harshly, like I always did in situations like that. "And please behave this time. You know that he's my former supervisor at the Tribune. I need this... Maybe he is my only chance. I spent all the bright ideas... I am not sending any more letters. Not anymore."

I knew all too well that Bruce was not only her former supervisor. He was the one who fired her. He was also her ex. I hated him. There was something in him I never managed to comprehend. His eyes, his behavior, his moves, his vague rhetorics. His fragrance. There was nothing compelling about him. He was just one of those bullies in suits. A bad man. I almost exploded at him last time. I couldn't risk another scene today, so I went for a dinner downtown. I wanted to slam the door on my way out. Hard. I couldn't do it.

I couldn't eat much as well. I lost all my appetite and took a long walk before I got back. I knew he already left, and I just wanted to avoid her tonight and leave explanations for the next morning, but at the door I realized something bad happened even before I came in. In the dining room were broken glasses, spilled wine, a shattered vase, and her bloody face behind her hands. She was sitting in the corner and sobbed silently. I couldn't breathe. He hit her. Bad. I should've known this would happen. I was so stupid. The rage started to boil in my veins. Why did I leave in the first place? I had to be here to protect her. Maybe it's not too late. I turned toward the door and made a step.

"Stop." She cried. "Husk, no. Don't go. He's not worth it. Please..."

I went anyway.

I chased him for three blocks in all directions before I gave up. He probably took a cab or came with a car; otherwise, he couldn't outrun me. Not after what I have just seen. The running calmed me down enough, so I turned back and hurried home. I wanted to be there for her. I hoped that would be enough.

But she wasn't there. She didn't take anything with her. Not the jacket, nor the phone. Not even the shoes. The door was wide open, and I saw the blood stains on the hallway walls here and there. She left enough trace to follow her path. But I didn't need anything to know where she went. The place where I found her last time. I hurried like hell. I needed to find her on time. Before it could be too late. Before...

I ran faster.

When I passed the second building to the south and reached the dark alley in the back, I found her sitting against the wall. She was already dead. I was not fast enough. Syringe and the spoon were fallen next to her, and the rubber band tangled in her palm. She was looking at me with her open eyes for the last time. I froze. I didn't know what to do. I just sat next to her.

It was all my fault.

I loved her. All the way and all too much.

I still do.

So, here I am, standing on her grave on this eerie day. The rain had stopped. I still don't know what to do. I failed her. I should have been... better. But I wasn't.

The life today was like this dark rain. It came to an end. So I just lay down on the grave, put my head on my paws, and closed my eyes.